Let's Talk About Love
by eightyeightkate
Summary: Lucifer is rich and entitled and used to getting what he wants. He wants Sam Winchester, and he woos him the only way he knows how: movie cliches. AU, and crackier than the Grand Canyon.


Lucifer Milton was used to getting everything he wanted. As the second son of a very large, very wealthy family, all he had to do was snap his fingers and he'd have whatever he wished. Anything he could not buy, he could charm into his possession with his sharp wit and sideways smile.

That anything unfortunately did not include Sam Winchester.

Sam was the brother of the eldest Milton's bodyguard. He was a lawyer in the town with a small firm, and Lucifer wanted him in every possible way. Sam was one of those rare people who managed to be adorable and incredibly sexy at the same time. He looked fantastic in a suit or a pair of jeans and Lucifer was unashamed to admit that he had, on occasion, driven past his home, just to see if he could catch a glimpse of Sam mowing the lawn or working on his car, sweaty and shirtless. More than that, though, Sam was smart, and witty, and always quick with a comeback. He was loyal to his brother and strong in his convictions and Lucifer thought that maybe he was in love.

Lucifer never intended to walk into Sam's office one day. The family had a lawyer already – a whole team of lawyers, in fact – and yet he was standing in the foyer of the building, staring at the brass placard: Samuel Winchester, Esq. He raised a hand to knock on the door but before his knuckles met walnut it opened before him, revealing a slightly surprised Sam.

"Uh…hi," Sam said, raising an eyebrow. "I'm headed home so if you're here for a consultation, you'll have to come back tomorrow."

Lucifer grinned his most winning grin and held out his right hand. "Lucifer Milton," he said, and watched with pleasure as Sam's mouth fell open into a cute little "o" of recognition.

"Mr. Milton, I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you," Sam apologized, shaking the offered hand.

"Don't worry about it. I'm not here about legal matters," Lucifer said. He withdrew his shaken hand slowly, letting his fingers drag along Sam's palm. He fought down a smirk at the pink that tinted Sam's cheeks. "I am here to ask you for drinks sometime."

Sam smiled and ducked his head. "I'm flattered, but going to have to decline. Excuse me." He slipped past Lucifer and out the door.

It took Lucifer a good five minutes to process his rejection, and unusually for him, it didn't make him angry. It just made him even more determined to make Sam Winchester his.

Lucifer spent the next week sitting in his living room watching every major romance movie ever made. He kept notes on the main themes, the methods used by the protagonists, the reactions that the methods received. He made lists of strategies and effectiveness and eventually came down to a few promising plans.

On the first day, he left a box of chocolates outside Sam's office. They were very expensive chocolates, so he waited around to make sure Sam got them. The cleaning lady got to them first, and finished them off. Lucifer had her fired within the hour. He was very displeased.

On the second day, he left a dozen roses, figuring that no one would eat those. Indeed, no one did. Sam got the roses and smiled, and Lucifer felt a jolt of hope, until Sam looked straight at him where he was hiding behind a column and handed them back.

"Thank you," Sam said quietly, "But I can't accept them."

The third day he tried getting Sam at his home. He stood outside the front door with signs declaring his affections and intentions.

"Sam," the first sign said.

"You are perfect to me," said the second.

"Will you do me the honor of going for dinner some time?" the fourth asked.

He got a laugh out of Sam this time, but his rejection was as swift as always.

"Are you just running down the list of romantic clichés?" Sam asked him. Lucifer declined to answer.

The fourth day he made Sam a mix tape. It had all the greatest love ballads he could think of, from Louis Armstrong to Celine Dion. Sam laughed louder when he got it and apologized, saying that he didn't have a cassette player. Lucifer nearly hit himself for that one. Sam patted him on the shoulder and told him it was the thought that counted, and he appreciated it. Lucifer nearly glowed.

On day five he decided to bond with Dean. The two of them went to a sports bar and had a few beers, some laughs, and generally a good time. He was surprised to find himself liking Dean as well as he did – he was like a less infuriating version of Michael. Lucifer helped an inebriated Dean get home safely to the apartment he shared with Sam, and was rewarded by a pleased and gentle smile from him.

For the sixth day, he wrote a sonnet. He'd seen poetry used very effectively in many contexts and assumed that Sam, a man of culture, would appreciate a cultured form of poetry. He stood before Sam's door, much like he had on day three, and began to read aloud:

"You are divine, an angel from on high,  
Your eyes are limpid pools aglow with light.  
Your flowing hair, so lovely, makes me sigh,  
And you are all I want within my sight.  
I cannot breathe when you are not around.  
I cannot live without your fond caress.  
Your voice, it is the very sweetest sound,  
Without you in my life I am a mess.  
Sam Winchester, I want you by my side.  
Your natural effulgence makes me smile.  
Though from your gaze I know I cannot hide,  
Within your heart I'd shelter for a while.  
Accept my love, you know I will be true.  
I promise, swear, and pledge this now to you."

He counted himself lucky that Sam didn't laugh or slam the door in his face, but he also didn't get an invitation in.

On the seventh day, he stood outside Sam's window in a trench coat that he borrowed from his younger brother, holding a boom box above his head blasting "I Want To Know What Love Is." By the time it made it to the chorus – _I want to know what love is, I want you to show me_ – Sam had his window open and was sticking his head out, laughing at him to turn it down, he was making a fool of himself.

"I'll stop if you'll go on a date with me!" Lucifer shouted back. Sam smiled and shook his head.

It rained on the eighth day, hard and fast, the gentle rumble of thunder coming from just beyond the horizon. For once, Lucifer didn't have a plan, he just stood at the door and knocked, soaked through to his skin. Sam opened it quickly, eyebrows high and arched.

"What are you doing out there in the rain?" he asked.

"I've tried everything," Lucifer said desperately. "I've tried every single trick I could think of. I like you, Sam, I really like you, and I want to know you, in the biblical sense of course but also just to _know_ you, your hopes and dreams and aspirations…just give me a chance, Sam, I promise you won't regret it," he vowed.

Sam smiled sincerely at that. "Well, why didn't you just say that in the first place?" he questioned, and stepped out the door to join Lucifer in the pounding rain. Lucifer gaped at him and Sam laughed, pulling him into his arms and kissing him soundly.

"You know, kissing in the rain is another cliché," Lucifer commented smugly.

"Shut up," Sam ordered, and kissed him again.


End file.
